i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
