I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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