my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
