what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
