FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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