Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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