I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
