I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
