I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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