I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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