I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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