I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize