I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
