this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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