Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
