if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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