i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
