If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
