Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
