Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
