I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize