I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
