id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
