That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
