Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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