She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize