brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
