dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
