Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The Olympian is in my bed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
