Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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