dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
