Are we in a gay sports bar?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
