I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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