I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
