I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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