take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
