I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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