now i know why i became what i already was.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
