i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
