Michael Bay diarrhea
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sober January is a disaster.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
