I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
