i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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