Christians are straight up FREAKS
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
where are my eyebrows?
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