i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
