I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
