Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
