Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just threw up on my dentist
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
