I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
