White coat. Heels.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
