he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize