Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
