my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
