member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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