chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
