I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
