i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
