he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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