I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
