just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
