Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
