Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
