im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
