you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
