Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's like iHOP with fire
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
