dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
