i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
