I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
