I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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